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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP,
I hardly ever post here. My parents were not perfect, but okay.

I believe some of the posters here have experienced a very difficult upbringing that maybe you and I were spared and that they are truly speaking about their lives.

Why should they have gratitude for a bad parents? If these posters could choose, maybe they would rather have your parents.

[/quote]

I guess i disagree. We all have issues and challenges growing up regardless of your background/culture. In many other cultures, blaming on your parents (whether it's justifiable or not) is just unthinkable. Here, people do it without hesitation. Always blaming their upbringing/parents for their own failures.

- np[/quote]

Sure, everyone has challenges. But there is a world of difference between someone whose parents made some mistakes but largely tried to do right by their kids, and someone whose parents hit them, berated them, forced them to behave like adults from a young age, neglected them in fundamental ways, etc.

Telling someone whose parents were abusive that they should "be grateful" or not judge them is weird. If you had parents who did a good enough job that you can now objectively look at them and be grateful even while acknowledging some faults, great! But my parents were deeply immature people who had children too young, had too many kids, did not take the job of parenting seriously, and behaved in an abusive and selfish way throughout my childhood. Why would I be grateful for that? It was objectively harmful. I would do my own child a disservice by trying to spin my upbringing as "they did their best." They didn't, it's possible to do much better, and I work to do much better for my own kid.[/quote]

Do they agree with how you see it? [/quote]

Do my abusive parents agree that they abused me? My mom knows they abused us and will sometimes admit it but other times won't. She has serious mental health problems and to be honest, I don't talk about it with her much because I think if she actually confronted what she'd done, she'd be at risk of suicide.

My dad has no introspection, he doesn't think of these things at all. He does not think of his children at all. He was also abused as a child plus experienced some serious trauma has a young child and I don't think he is capable of even addressing this directly. If I chose to challenge him on it (again, I see no point in discussing this with my parents), I expect he would revert to "we put a roof over your head and fed you for 18 years" as though that is evidence against the idea of abuse.

I mean ultimately it doesn't really matter if they see it as I do. I have to figure out how to live my life given my experience "as I see it." They have to do the same. But no, I'm not going to walk around saying I'm grateful for my parents, who abused me and neglected me, because I am not. At this point I wouldn't even say I resent them. It just is what it is. I try to focus on breaking the cycle of abuse so that my own child has a better childhood (and adulthood) than I did, as well as better than my parents had.[/quote]

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