Reply to If you had an extremely, extremely difficult first baby

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[quote=Anonymous]So this is a little different than what you're asking, but it still applies. My second baby was easy-peasy (my first was much harder). But I had a walloping case of PPD after my second one was born. So while SHE was easy, I was an absolutely disaster for 16 months after she was born. It was the worst year of my life, by far.

Intrusive thoughts about dead babies (not even her!) that I couldn't get out of my head. Major physical symptoms. Crying 8-15 times a day, every day, for literally 16 months. Despair. Inability to function. I got no joy from either of my children ([b]for 16 months[/b]). I'd get obsessed with some tragedy and stay up until 4am watching/reading everything about it. I knew I'd be exhausted, but I couldn't stop. Everything was a slog. Guilt, horrible guilt. It was absolutely awful.

But we want another. Badly. We went back and forth for a while. How could we risk going through that again? I had to do a lot of therapy, both to get better, and once I was better, to process the trauma and everything I'd been through. We did decide to move forward with a third (and final) and we're trying now, and excited. What made the decision manageable was getting to a point of looking at my amazing and wonderful daughter and knowing clearly, without a doubt, that she was worth it. And then getting to the point where I was willing to do it all again to have another. And I am.

Especially if you feel traumatized by your first, you've got to get some therapy. A longer age gap definitely helped - my younger two will be a minimum of just shy of 3 years apart.

But I think the other key is the practical. What will you do differently if this happens again? For me, it's medication more quickly, starting off right from jump with combo feeding so I'm not the baby's only food source. And we've earmarked some money for a night nanny a few nights a week from day 1 so that I can get some sleep, as we learned the hard way that lack of sleep is not something I can power through. My husband will take more time off work. And we'll be faster to lean on our "village" if we're struggling.

What made things hard for you? What can you do to mitigate them? Was it worth it?

Those are the big questions. [/quote]

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