Reply to What does it mean if I'm tempted to do something extreme to try to get dh to pay attention?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have been where you are. You are exhausted, burnt out, and carrying more than your share. You need someone to take the wheel because you’re carrying way too much, and have been for too long. But no one is there. And you are angry at your husband for being such a no one.

Here’s what you need to do.

Leave for a weekend. Make up an excuse — work, family, etc. Go see old friends. Do something that makes you feel human. The world will not collapse. Yes, all your problems will still be there when you come back. But you need to take one tiny step to do something for yourself and disregard everyone else. Put the world you’re carrying down for one second. That is your first assignment.

Now keep scheduling time away. Figure out how to work breaks into your week. Pay a sitter. This is an emergency. Your mental health emergency.

Using some of the time that is yours that you have cleared:
1) hire the best therapist you can find
2) do whatever wellness stuff helps you — exercise, meditation, massage, acupuncture
3) get friends to help you brainstorm solutions. Ask strangers if you don’t have friends. You need to get this out of your head and have other people help you see a sensible path forward 
4) you pick the job that is best for you. Best hours. Best work life balance. Best location relative to your kid’s school, best benefits. The job that simplifies your life the most.

Sadly I don’t think you will get your husband’s attention. He sounds very checked out, possibly with mental health issues of his own. You need to figure out how to build your own life boat and save yourself. You are a very resourceful woman who has run laps around your Big Life Problems. You can do this, even though you are feeling so bad right now. The first thing to do is get back to feeling like yourself a bit, the rest will follow.

Good luck [/quote]

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