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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One piece of advice: don’t expect your DIL to fix what your son won’t do. Especially if you did a bad job teaching him to manage his share of emotional labor. [/quote]

Yes, this. I really like my MIL.  I am mostly positive on my SILs (one BIL & FIL are not great, but other BIL is good).   Still, I have as much or more responsibility as my husband in all areas (work, home), and I'm "naturally" (or socialized) no better than him at being good at maintaining good family relations.  I call my parents and siblings as much as I can manage and do holiday stuff for them (also my dad is a promoter of family relationships and I 
appreciate that).  I see some of this as an obligation hassle (I do not think buying gifts for adults makes sense but I'm not going to push family norms), but also do enjoy my family when I spend time with them.  I don't have the emotional bandwidth to add my husbands family to this.  Except my MIL, who is extraordinary, so I do push my husband to do things to make her feel appreciated, and I do make she we appreciate her for holidays.  I do believe my DH should take the lead on this, but my MIL is more important than that.  The others fall below the line where I can dedicate effort to them, even though I really do like some of them

All those words are to say that unless you are an exceptional in-law, don't expect modern DILs to take on the stuff the son should be doing anyway.  [/quote]

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