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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP do you imagine that all the other dementia patients in this magical country agreed to aides as soon as they needed them? Dementia is the same everywhere. So the people there have experience and will know the right next steps. It might be that you have to back off and let her struggle a bit. But there are also medical assessments for cognitive decline, like drawing the face of a clock and things like that which are harder to mask. I’m sure the agency can advise you on how to qualify your mother for services without her consent. [/quote]

I don’t think mocking the country as “magical” is being helpful here. The agency specifically says (and I know this to be true) that you can’t force services on someone who doesn’t consent unless they’re declared incompetent. They can be forced into a home only if they’re  a threat to self or others. I told you that before and your limited knowledge about Germany, France and the UK is equally unhelpful. I am dealing with an obstinate parent here and without her consent there is nothing they’re going to do for her. Once she deteriorates, which will eventually happen, they’ll reassess. It’s just sad because she needs help now and can afford it. Also - these are good people who work there who want to help. [/quote]

Pp are trying to tell you that you u just have to wait for it get yet terrible - like being admitted to a hospital for starvation bc she hasn’t eaten in 3 days.  That’s the problem with the patient centered model in these cases - no one can prevent the huge problem they see coming; they just wait for it to happen. [/quote]

I know that, unfortunately that’s how it is. It’s just the previous poster who insists on knowing how everything works in Europe because she lived in 3 countries there. It’s infuriating when people who have no clue insist they have all the wisdom. Maybe an NPD thing, IDK.[/quote]

I'm the European you so roundly maligned, and I did not write these other posts you are referring to.

OP, you're tired and anxious but it doesn't mean you need to be combative and push back against every single suggestion. You could have started your thread by specifying this was in X country, with X regulations. It would have helped bring some context to your problem.

Also, you repeat you must do everything by the book, but surely you realize that dealing with dementia requires "Creativity" from adult children and caregivers. You seem to have two options:

1. Lie to your parent to get their consent to a visit by nice people who are only here temporarily to fix something. Oh, and they're also coming tomorrow to fix something else. Entirely by the way, they made you a yummy meal. You don't like it? They feel really bad, and want to come tomorrow to make you something you'll like better. They might pick up the place and run a load of laundry, to help you out a little. Blah blah blah, adapt to the situation at hand.

2. Or maybe she's not *that* impaired, and if that's the case, you'll just have to wait she is: until she falls, needs hospitalization, really loses it, gets declared incompetent, or finally agrees to visits.

It's no use simultaneously raging at us but also claiming she needs help now but none can be had: you're putting yourself into a corner all by your little own self and the one who suffers most... is you.

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