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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A couple of months ago, my husband and I had a discussion about getting divorced.  He wants to relocate across country to be closer to his aging parents, and I do not.  We have been married twenty years, and have had this discussion about moving several times, and he knows my opinion on it.  I don’t want to keep having the same argument, which is why we talked about getting divorced.  We had counseling the first two times this discussion was had (over a decade ago), it wasn’t useful, and we eventually moved on and my husband wouldn’t be open to doing it again.  The conclusion of the discussion was that we won’t get divorced, but it’s still something I feel very hurt by.  
My teenage daughter overheard the conversation, and at the time felt the need to inject her opinion.  She feels we should move.  I tried to explain to her that it’s not practical for many adult reasons.  I have a federal job and would be giving up my career since it would not transfer; I would have to come back to the dc area at least once a week which wouldn’t be practical; we just bought a bigger house and have a mortgage where we would lose money if we sold or rented right now and wouldn’t be able to afford the interest rate to buy a similar house if we decided to move back; their 529 plans are prepaid college plans that are tied to them living where we live right now (her and her three siblings would effectively have very little saved for college);  she wouldn’t be able to graduate from highschool on time because some of her credits would not transfer; and frankly I don’t want to.  I don’t even like my in laws, so the idea of leaving my home for twenty years to move to an area where I don’t know anyone.  I did it right after we got married, and I was so unhappy that we moved back.  Either way, I was very hurt by the fact that she felt to have an opinion on this, especially since she said she would likely move with my husband if we did get divorced and he moved.  
The fight/discussion with my husband has blown over, he likely won’t bring up the idea of moving again until after 1-2 of our kids are in college (so in 3-4 years). [b] Either way, I am just having a lot of trouble forgiving my daughter for injecting her opinion in this, when frankly she has no clue what she was talking about. [/b] I find myself doing stupid vindictive shit because I just don’t want to do things for her anymore.  Like driving her around— I tell her to ask her dad when I used to take her everywhere, I don’t do her laundry even though I do everyone else’s or if I do it I won’t fold it, I’ll pack her brother a lunch for school but not her.  I get really mad whenever she feels the need to comment on how I parent her younger siblings (which is annoying and inappropriate, but I used to handle in a less confrontational way).  I think I don’t even like talking to her a lot of the time.  She’s not particularly nice to me, but before it bothered me less.  
I’m not sure how to handle this.  I need to get over this but I don’t know how.  I don’t want to bring up what I think I’m actually mad about, because it was several months ago at this point, and I imagine it was kind of a traumatic thing for her to overhear.  Her dad and I will likely get divorced once everyone goes to college, assuming his parents haven’t passed away at that point, though honestly we may anyways even if they have.  Having four kids is hard, and I don’t think either of us wants to be a single parent while they are still in elementary/middle/highschool.  If/when that happens, I’m not even sure she would talk to me anymore, since she would likely want to move closer to her dad, and she’s not even particularly nice to me (and hasn’t been for years, she’s a teenager).  [/quote]

She actually does have a clue what she's talking about, she just disagrees with you on a question that at a minimum has two sides. Convincing yourself that she doesn't understand just seems like a way of making this into her being out of line, when actually she has every right to care about how her family supports her grandparents. She may not get a vote, but she's allowed to have an opinion.[/quote]

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