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College and University Discussion
Reply to "trouble adjusting to college"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the commiseration and advice, from OP. We gave our son the same advice to leave his door open, but according to him, “no one” in his dorm/on his hall does that. Both he and his roommate keep the door closed and he says all the doors on his hall are always closed. I like the idea of him getting a job or volunteering on his light class days - it will keeo him busy and hopefully lead to meeting other students and hopefully at some point some of these connections will lead to friendship. It’s really hard to hear your kid so lonely. Spouse and I both commented after this call that we remember a big adjustment to college was having to be around other people all the time- so we were pretty surprised that our son seems to be having the exact opposite experience. [/quote] This sounds pretty much like my daughter last year. She did join some clubs and got to know some people, but it did not evolve into friendships. Even in HS it took her a long time. So that is just how it is for some people. Even when they know kids, their lecture schedules might just not allow to always eat meals together, that is nothing unusual. When she did get a job, it was a job she could do on her own, without facing customers. The job kept her busy and she enjoyed it, so who are we to tell her she got the wrong job? We did not :) None of the kids on her hall left their door open either and according to her it was an energetic extroverted floor that went nuts during rush. She's a shy introvert and her room is her private reprieve. She did put energy in a language club though and tried running for a position. Did not get it but was selected for a language house and they are doing things together all the time. When moving her in she was approached by a girl that started a convo with her. So even though it seems like they have no one, there might be some. It is early, hang in there. You can suggest things, but accept their answers. They are on their own now and unless you notice potential mental health issues, they will have to figure things out. It is not a one size fits all approach to friendships. Our sophomore in the language house seems happy now, except for having a night owl roommate. That however is a different issue/story.[/quote]
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