Reply to How long to wait to get to counseling after affair discovery?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here; I didn’t think it would matter but some of you have the genders reversed; my wife is the one who had the 12-15 month emotional affair.

Any change to the advice? [/quote]

But you had an emotional affair first, right?[/quote]

Yes, mine was first. I had a difficult time ending it, the person was very important to me, it started and ended within six months and upon its conclusion I dove headfirst into therapy. I’ve tried my best to clean up my side of the street and I’ve spent the past year and a half doing everything I can but never understood why there was a chasm between us until figured it all out. There was a three month gap between when my EA ended and hers began,

I messed up and if I deserve the beating for the dissolution of my marriage I’m fine to take it, i’m not looking to win, I don’t want her to admit her affair was worse, I really don’t care,  I just want to know the best way through. We are only seven days out from discovery and she is very enthusiastic about therapy and repair but I feel like I’m about to go for a car ride with someone who just woke up from general anesthesia.

[/quote]

Too late. You’re already in the car and you have been for some time.

Both of you had EAs. Why are you both avoiding the reality of yourselves, each other, the relationship? Are you afraid of losing the marriage if you admit how much pain you’re in? The only way out here is through. There may be a lot of grief or anger or resentment to unpack, but you need to start sorting through this to see where you stand.[/quote]

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