Reply to How to support DH with ailing ILs

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[quote=Anonymous]Classic nightmare and we are living this with my in-laws also. There may be some interim steps you can take to be prepared for when the crisis actually forces the issue.

For instance if your husband is excited to have them near him and they are excited to talk about that, maybe you could get them to establish a joint account, or put him on one of their accounts, just as a step towards ”being ready when the time comes”. The ability to access their money in an emergency be a lifesaver no matter where they are located.

Also, your husband’s research won’t be in vain if he is prepared with options if there is a crisis and someone has to be discharged from the hospital - can they go to a rehab center or something like that near you. There will come a time when there will need to be some sort of intermediate level of care and, sadly, the opportunity for that often comes after a crisis. So if he was ready with information for intake at a facility closer to you, that would help smooth and expedite relocation “temporarily”.

In my experience, I was able to get a lot more accomplished under the guise of “this is just for the short term”, or “this is just for when the time comes”, or “this is in case you go into the hospital and we have to take care of dad”, or “this is just to make sure we’re able to pay the bills/keep the lights on/keep your phones paid for in case you both sick at the same time” and so on.

I could not get my mother to plan adequately for her certain decline and death, but she was able to plan for illness or being sidelined for a short term. And the argument of we need a way to be able to take care of Dad if you are not around for a few weeks really spoke to her. So, there being away for me to make sure I could maintain things until she was recovered was a scenario she could participate in.

Good luck op. Sadly, there really isn’t an easy way through this phase.[/quote]

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