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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you could be describing the relationship between my brother and our mom. It's a very tricky dynamic that's a lifetime in the making. Brother is fine and patient with everyone else, but is easily triggered by mom, who's hyper-critical and controlling. I tolerate her behavior better but grit my teeth sometimes. I see his responses to her as immature, but I blame her for the unhealthy dynamic b/c she's instigator and he's always reacting to her.

I don't think there's much anyone else could do if the parties involved don't want to seek therapy. Maybe get your H books on grayrock? [/quote]

Your brother’s relationship with your mom sounds closest to what I have seen.  I do feel for my MIL but to the other posters points, I absolutely know she created this mess.

He and I have been married for 25 years now and i met him when we were in our 20’s.  His tolerance with her has dropped over the years.  I would love for him to get back to where he was 20 years ago - mostly for his own peace of mind. I have stayed out of their relationship for most of our time together but have been wondering lately if there is anything I should be doing.

To be clear, I am on team DH all the way. I don’t really like my MIL and I can totally see why she triggers him - she is passive aggressive with me but I just let it slide.  I do wonder if it would be better for DH if he can get there too. [/quote]

Look you have to remember you are seeing this relationship now. You have not had to deal with the MIL as a child to adult. It is easier for you to not be triggered by his mom. He had no power as child. Now he is grown, has kids of his own(assuming) and does not like her. He is allowed to not like her and not want to be around her. [/quote]

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