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[quote=Anonymous]We're mostly platonic, some physical intimacy but no sex.

Both fairly low drive, though partner is higher drive than me.

I know he'd prefer to have more (some) sex, but not enough to pursue it elsewhere. Also I've told him I'd be open to discussing open marriage if he feels dissatisfied, but the truth is he doesn't want to. Both because he wouldn't want me sleeping with someone else (though I don't think I would, very low interest) but also because he doesn't want to put the effort into finding another partner either. He might be higher drive than me, but he's lower effort generally.

I would prefer if he talked to me more and was more emotionally available. I do think I'd be more interested in sex if he felt more intellectually and emotionally engaged with me, but I don't condition it like that (maybe I wouldn't be more interested, I don't know, I really do just have very low drive since having kids).

Despite all this, it seems to work okay. I wouldn't say we are super happy but also I know we are not miserable (we have discussed it). We're middle aged and tired. Covid was very hard on our family. We're both very committed parents. We both have considerable stressors outside our family (just really horrible extended families, we both have parents and siblings with major mental health issues and possibly personality disorders and it's enormously stressful). We're grateful to each other for putting up with our respective families and being a respite from their shittiness. I think there's a lot of melancholy in our home but we do look for the joy. We prioritize each other and spending time together as a family. It's very far from perfect but I also think it's probably a lot better than divorce, which might result in more and better sex for one or both of us, but I'm not really sure it would make either of us actually happy and I think it would suck for the kids.

My sense is that there are A LOT of couples in their 40s/50s like us. The combination of age, kids, Covid, and external stress (jobs, parents/siblings, money, adult responsibilities like home ownership and taxes and crap) doesn't really lend itself for carefree, happy lives with plenty of sex and relaxation. If you can pull that off, good for you -- I'm guessing you probably have more money and fewer life stressors, but maybe you're just better at life, I don't know.[/quote]

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