Reply to NYT Article on "Rise of Single-Parent Families is Not a Good Thing"

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Reply to "NYT Article on "Rise of Single-Parent Families is Not a Good Thing""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We need to adequately and accurately prepare people for marriage and the rigors of family life.  You know - bring people down to reality.  I think Americans have a very ambitious view of marriage and partnership that rarely aligns with reality - hence so many are absolutely miserable.  We need to better prepare young people for being heads of household. Our current navel-gazing/everyone is special/take me as I am/fragile culture is doing nobody any favors.[/quote]

+100.  I am a pro choice most def liberal left leaning person but I will say there are zero traditions in American society that highlights and espouses family values.  This isn't about what kind of music you let your kids listen to or being a helicopter parent or not but the core value of being with your kids and as much as possible, sticking with your spouse if it's possible to work something out.  As the kid of parents who stuck it out too long and witnessed their crumbling disaster of a marriage I am still of the mind that them staying together was BETTER for me in the long run.  I am the mom of 2 kids and married for 16 years.  I have had tremendous ups and downs personally with my marriage but I think my kids have def been better off with me and DH married.  While there is a lot of love and support in my marriage, I don't know how much passion there is and it probably as man and wife, we're not in the right place.  However, I also know that we made a commitment and on this I think we both have an unsaid agreement that we want to stay together for our kids.

I think a lot of people move on quickly from one another.  A lot of people value their own happiness v. their family/kids.  There is absolutely a case to be made for modeling happiness and also the strong importance of mental and physical health yet I think a lot of people give up on their spouse too easily.  Getting a divorce and the idea of starting anew with someone who can make you happier is always easier.  Unless someone cheated on you and made a mistake and wants to leave you, I think forgiveness is a possible outcome of that if someone were inclined to want to do it.  But in our society, it's all about independence, about "me" and about how it's the most important thing to be happy.  I think that's a myth.  In many cultures it's about sticking together through thick and thin.  Previous American generations of DH and my parents did it.  I think it helped our generation quite a bit.  Security and family is a huge deal to a kid.  I don't think it's never the right thing to stick together through everything and anything but I do think that culturally, we are taught that if there's any issue, leave and start anew is the first option always and I don't agree with that at all.  Life just isn't all 100% good times.

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