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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is it called? Defensiveness. Has he always been like this? It tends to arise out of personality. Some people just never manage to take (perceived?) criticism or constructive feedback well. If he hasn't always been like this, your marriage is likely on the rocks (but I would assume you know that). [/quote]

He’s probably always been like this but having a house of little kids and lots to juggle just makes more opportunity for mistakes and mishaps. So it’s escalated, and in a way that I can’t unconsciously work around the way I used to. Something about having kids makes me willing to work through their unwarranted but real feelings of  embarrassment when they mess up but really impatient with a fellow adult who expects the same treatment.[/quote]

PP here. Yeah, I can totally understand that. Unfortunately, people don't tend to change. You need to figure out if you can continue to put up with it. What I don't like is the language he's using -- you said when you suggested therapy he said “if you’re going to be like this then you’re the one that needs therapy”. That is nasty and dismissive. I would have a very hard time sharing life with someone who spoke to me like that. But you have kids and I don't, so you might put up with more than I would.  [/quote]

It’s complicated with kids- I don’t fully know how to walk the line between putting them in a situation where they could be totally alone with him without me to protect them versus the situation they’re in now, where they overhear this language and see his behavior toward me.[/quote]

Join the club.

Break the cycle.[/quote]

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