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[quote=Anonymous]OP my mom is just like this. She makes every illness/issue about her and it becomes the ill person/injured person or whatever comforting her constantly. I used to think it was caring, but as I have processed a lot of my mother's behavior over the years, everything is about her and her needs. I couldn't even tell her when I was in labor after a difficult pregnancy even though she lived in the area because the whole birth (with turned into an emergency C section) would have been about her and her anxiety and the nurses and my husband would be stuck comforting her crazy.

When  I developed my own serious illness (after I had been the dumping ground for her anxiety when dad was ill) she drove me insane making my health all about her need for comfort. She even gave a script...she told me she wanted me to say the doctors said all is fine and she wants me to tell her I feel healthy again?!

Honestly, this isn't about their feelings anymore. I calmly and assertively told her I needed to focus on my own health, spouse and kids and could no longer be the dumping ground for her anxiety. (It is was beyond thanking her for caring, because every interaction was about her needing soothing and getting hysterical). I encouraged her to get counseling or find better ways to manage her anxiety, but I would no longer be soothing her. At first I limited communication to once a week, but when she got to the point of screaming at me which set off some of my symptoms, I limited her to once a month-1 text and I did not answer follow up questions because they were another attempt to get soothing and I knew she wouldn't want the answers.[/quote]

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