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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I can easily understand not wanting the responsibilities associated with supervising —and possibly protecting— someone else’s high needs child. If your goal really is to help your son maintain one of his few friendships, perhaps you can prioritize his needs rather than your own. Consider arranging some family activities and outings for both families — if the other family is interested.  That way, the other kid’s parents can see your son in a variety of potentially stressful or overwhelming situations, and see what, if any supports he might need to enjoy the activities with minimal stress.

Think, too, about the supports that you might be providing your son — redirecting his attention, intervening with his behavior, recognizing when he’s tired…. And ask yourself if these are things that other adults can effectively do with your son, and, more importantly, if they should be doing them with someone else’s child — who is their guest.   Since you don’t provide details (which is fine), I’m imagining multiple situations where your son might have difficulties that the parents of a calmer kid are ill-equipped to handle in ways that will be comfortable for everyone.

I think your conclusions are good ones. I think too, at some level, you realize that being responsible for a high energy, challenging child on medication (which has time-limited utility) is really not the same thing as hosting a calmer kid.  You refer to the other parents as “sort of users” — without really reflecting on the reasons that your child may not have many friends. One of those reasons might be that other parents are reluctant to host your child, or have their kids spending time with someone who’s behavior may be impulsive or easily overwhelmed. Your child is benefiting from a friendship that you and he find rewarding.  Ask yourself what your child’s life would be like without this friendship.  Maybe you’re the “user”— in that your son is gaining invaluable experiences and skills, in a way that is minimally stressful to you.  I hope you’re able to address your own expectations AND appreciate the positives that this friendship is providing your son. 
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