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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Offer to always pay if they can travel to see one another. Without you. They need to bond without parents.[/quote]

Still manipulation. The families who do this sort of thing are the ones who if things still don't work out will say "After I PAID for all those vacations, the least you can do is be friends with your brother!" I can tell you endless "what NOT to dos" but there is nothing you can actively do to force a friendship. Here are some what not to do some of which have been mentioned...

1.) Don't ever bad mouth one of them to to the other or vent. Also don't gush about one to the other either because it may be seen as comparison. You want them to naturally be happy for eachother and that doesn't come from mommy using quality time to sing the praises of the sibling who isn't there. When you are with one of your adult kids focus on that adult kid and be in the moment-no gossip, no bragging no bashing.

2.) Don't compare them to eachtother.

3.) No guilt trips about how "your sister is someone who share a special history with and my dying wish is for you to always be there for eachother." It's not about you and you need to respect their ability to make decisions as adults.

I did come up with one "to do"

1.) If this upsets you, get therapy. There may be some underlying dynamics you are sweeping under the rug or it may just be difference of personalities. regardless, you have to learn to accept things as they are and not try to control things.[/quote]

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