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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don’t have to leave or make any decisions now. I personally think divorce if you love him will make you worse off and more unhappy. Don’t divorce to “teach someone a lesson”—only you will end up hurt. [/quote]

Thank you for understanding. I have been so alone in this, and afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgement for staying.[/quote]

If no one else knows, who is going to judge you for staying? I ask that sincerely, without snarkiness or criticism, OP. If this affair of his is secret to everyone else--as he thinks it is to you--who will be doing the judging? Have you considered that maybe the fear of judgement you feel is, on some level, judging yourself if you stay? Just something to consider.

Please don't continue to be alone in this. He needs to know that you know, or else you are agreeing to live a lie every day and every night. You cannot make ANY choices, to stay or to leave, to tell him he can continue or to deliver an ultimatum that he must stop, unless you have all the information and it's all out in the open. You also need to get tested for STIs, a subject on which an earlier PP touched, talking about the risk to the betrayed spouse's health. Your children need a healthy mother no matter what choices you make about staying or leaving. Don't take DH's word for it if he says he's only had one AP, or she's monogamous with him, etc. Protect you physical health first and foremost, then ASAP get a therapist (solo) and dig into why you love him and whether the marriage can work. It is hard and painful and frankly it's easier to be sad and fearful and cling to the love. Are you willing to do the hard, painful work? Even if you stay with him, you need to do that work so you can be clear-eyed about why you are staying, if he keeps the AP(s).[/quote]

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