Reply to In love with a cheater

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.[/quote]

"I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through."

Why not: "I have to figure out what I'm going to say to tell him I know and I deserve better."

You can love someone with every fiber of your being yet still know to your core that you deserve respect and dignity.  Cheating denies you both. Love is not always enough, OP. [/quote]

Divorce is a financial decision. That needs to play into a decision. People can decide to stop caring and not let it impact their self esteem. I actually think going to a therapist would make this worse right now. Time has to go by and she needs to think about what she wants. Going to a pro divorce therapist (likely) is going to play with her emotions. If she feels depressed she should go, but a divorce decision should not be based purely on emotions. How would she feel if she saw her kids half the time? Lost her house? Had to move? There are many more stressors to divorce. It is not just about “‘my husband cheated.” Your post reduces all of the decision down to that: that is foolish. [/quote]

Were you replying to some other post?

Because mine, which you used, did not use the word divorce, did not even insinuate she should divorce, did not recommend a therapist (though I think it's a good idea) and did not "reduce all of the decision" down to "my husband cheated." I said that love is not always enough if there is not also respect and dignity. Cheating is the opposite of treating a spouse with respect and dignity. That's it.

I'm well aware that finances play a part. Nowhere did I say they do not, nowhere did I advocate for OP to ditch her husband as some knee-jerk emotional reaction. Please read with more care next time, or be sure you're quoting the post to which you're actually responding, becuase you seem not to be addressing mine at all. [/quote]

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