Reply to When your co-parent lies to your kid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our separation is very new.  In the past week, my co-parent has told my kid

1) That the reason we don't have 50/50 custody is because I won't allow them to see the kid.

2) That the reason they missed visitation is because they were job hunting because I "don't give them enough money to live on".

Neither thing is true, and now I have a kid who is sad, missing their other parent, and angry at me because they think it's my fault.

I know I can't fix the sad/missing their parent thing, but not sure how to address the angry thing.

When kid says "Why don't you let parent take me?"  Do I tell the truth and say "I offered them 50/50, they told me it was too much."?

When kid says "I don't want co-parent to be poor!"  Do I say "Neither do I, that's why I send them $X per month."

I feel as though both of these things would be really hurtful, but so are the lies.  Any advice from someone who has been separated longer?[/quote]

You failed to pick a good partner to have children with. Your fault. [/quote]

That may be true.  But that ship has sailed and the kid exists, and I'm still the one who needs to answer the questions.  I'm pretty sure that "Yes, you are right, it's my fault you didn't get to see your parent because I should never have let you be born." Is not the best answer for my kid's self esteem.

So, since the kid is 100% the innocent party here, I still need to come up with responses.[/quote]

I like you.  Love the response to the the know it all, always perfect DCUM poster.

I wish I had a good solution for you.  Your ex spouse had put you in an awkward situation.  People say over time kids figure it out but it’s  hard to watch your kid get hurt by the co parent in the process.

For custody days in the beginning I might say something in the morning like Remember your with other parent tonight.  Then if other parent doesn’t show, be ready to comfort the child.  Does the 12 yr old have a phone?  Can you tell co parent thanks for telling me but you need to call/text our child and let them know of the change in plans?[/quote]

Co-parent didn’t tell me.  They didn’t show up and when kid texted “where are you” they texted back that they couldn’t come because they had to job hunt because I don’t give them enough money to live.  [/quote]

Are you giving them enough money for basic expenses?  [/quote]

:roll: [/quote]

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