Reply to What’s it like being married to a medical doctor (MD)?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What’s it like being married to a medical doctor (MD)?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I have found that being a doctor’s wife is harder than being a doctor.  I wrote this 10 years ago and emailed it to myself.  I’m not sure if I posted it on a message board or not:

DH and I are both physicians.  We met in med school and had our children during our second and fourth years of residency.  I have been working off and on PT since I finished residency a year ago. 
Anyway, I just feel like I am going to lose it sometimes.   DH's job takes so much out of him that everything at home is on me all of the time, and I don't get any credit for it.  DH just finished residency this year.  We moved, he started a new job immediately, and I started just last week.  He also took his boards last week.  So, all of the finding a house, getting a loan, packing, moving, unpacking, childcare, housekeeping, cooking, etc. is on me.  I chose to potty train our three year old right after we moved because I was home FT and he is starting preschool soon.  DH encourages me to hire help if I need it, but it isn't that I need help with the childcare, I just don't want to be doing everything alone all of the time.  We did move to my mom's hometown (my mom moved away when she was 18, so I didn't grow up here), so I have some family around, but I have no good friends, and no one I can talk to about frustrations at home unless I want to hear people gossiping about my husband and children.
 
I was looking online the other day, and I found an article written in the 1980's that physician wives were more likely to commit suicide than the average person, and even more likely than physicians themselves.  I could only find an abstract and not the entire paper.  In addition, there was no follow-up in the last thirty years on the suicide rate of physician spouses (or at least none that I could find), although there are numerous studies on the suicide rates of physicians.  Somehow that just epitomized my frustration.  No one is wondering or thinking about the cost of suicide in physician spouses.  No one cares.  Honestly, I couldn't even find anything about suicide and stay at home mothers.  If you google "Stay at home mom and suicide" you get a bunch of resources for stay at home moms on how to look for signs of depression or suicidal thoughts in their children and spouses, the effect of mother working or not on suicide rates of their children, and a couple of people blogging or asking questions.  There is nothing with an objective concern for depression and anxiety in stay at home mothers.  It is like the mothers themselves are invisible forces on others lives.  Like a mother is more like gravity than like a human being.  I can't find another profession like that.  Even if you type in "therapist" or "psychologist" or "florist," there is at least something talking about the treaters themselves, and not just recommendations to care for others.
It isn't that I want to start working FT.  Nothing changes when I work FT as far as my responsibilities at home, and honestly, I can't handle it.  I still feel the same stress about being a physician wife with the added stress of being a physician on top of it.  I have no idea why some of it doesn't seem to transfer to my husband (well, I have some ideas, but this is already too long), but it just doesn't. 
Sigh.  I don't know what I am looking for here.  I guess I just needed to vent or share.  I am not suicidal.  lol...being pregnant and primary caregiver for two young children are great protective factors.
I am blessed, and if you look at my life, there is nothing that I really want for, and a lot that people would envy.  I just feel like I am teetering on the edge sometimes.  ughh...I am not sure how much longer I can keep playing "next month will be better."
 [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics