Reply to Vent - being a mom is not what I expected

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all for the support and commiseration. It helps to know I'm not alone.

9:20, you are totally right that my way of coping is no longer very feasible, which compounds the issues. I have always dealt with stress by getting some alone time to recharge and getting a good sleep. Neither of those things are possible now, and I feel like I have to be "on" 24/7.

I also cope with stress by seeking control. I'm used to doing things well -- usually because I am stubborn and work my butt off to achieve, even when I'm not good at something. With a baby, there is no control, and no amount of trying and trying and trying on my part can make him achieve something. He's his own person with his own issues, and I have to accept that, but it's hard when I know what's best for him but can't get him to do it. I'm sure I'll be saying the same thing when he's 15 and even 25, but it's been a hard adjustment to let go of those things. I don't want to make the wrong choice just because I'm tired and stressed, but I also don't want to force him to be something he isn't. Sigh.[/quote]

It gets SO much better, OP.  Really.  I hated the first couple of months and thought I was the worst parent ever.  Then I started to realize that as an overachiever I was waiting and hoping for feedback and results -- when I accepted that I wasn't going to get a gold star for being a good mom, at least not before he got into a good college, it started to get a little better.  Like other PPs have said, I also think this generations of moms is really hard on other moms, so feeling like you didn't achieve what you set out to do (cloth diapers, etc) makes it seem like you failed (and coming to places like this, where you can read all sorts of nutty posts doesn't help).   You haven't -- not at all.

Some of the things that helped me was to stop trying to come up with things to talk to him about all the time (when he was too young to respond) and start reading to him -- real books, not the one word baby books.  I was also honestabout the frustrations with my husband and others, so I could get out some of the frustration; sometimes just saying it out loud helps.  I also noticed I was competing against myself to do it all and stopped -- I let my husband take care of him and play and put him to bed to carve out some time to unwind.

THe bottom line is that you love him and right now, that's really about all he really needs (because you will make good choices out of love).  The other things really don't matter so much.  Good luck and go easy on yourself, please.[/quote]

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