Reply to Stuck being closest sibling to declining parent

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Stuck being closest sibling to declining parent "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You don't seem to understand what they can and cannot do here, OP.

Of course they can't drop in for visits. Flights or drives add up, in time and expense. And visiting wouldn't help with anything if you're whining about managing doctors and bills!

But you can tell the nursing home to call THEM when something needs to happen. Medical management, appointments, prescriptions, bills, etc, can all be done online. If she needs to be physically accompanied to the doctor, OK maybe you can do that, but you'll need to be very sure it's not a frivolous visit.

You're really trying very hard to be the martyr here. Some people enjoy it, because then they feel they have the moral high ground and are at liberty to complain a lot. Don't be like that.
[/quote]

I am trying NOT to be the martyr. It’s been a slow creep. She can’t find things because of cognitive decline and won’t throw away daily newspapers and magazines without prompting. If siblings never visit they can’t help decluttering. There is mail that is interspersed with the clutter.

My question is the best strategy to step back? All at once or gradually. I prefer not to lose extended family ties and worry family members will get really upset as I back off. Has anyone who has been in the thick of things figured out the best way to back way?[/quote]

Sigh.

1. Conference call.
"Larla and Larlo, I just cannot manage Mom's care on my own. It's too much. I need to step back and care for my own family. Here is a list of things she needs this week. It will only get worse as the weeks progress. Since you can't do any of it, she (or you, or we, if you have the money) will need to hire an aide or send her to a more comprehensive institution. You need to figure this out, because starting on Sept 1 (or another date) I will not be available."

2. You are boxing yourself in with the fear that your siblings won't react well. What matters more to you: doing less for your mother, or fighting with your siblings? Because you can't have both. Something needs to give, OP! Stop being a little mouse. Assert yourself, for God's sake. You haven't earned their respect, maybe because you've always been compliant. You do realize you've got the most leverage you will EVER have, right now? USE it.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics