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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, you say “I have no good solution” and that’s because there really is no good solution. All of this sucks. Your mother simply is going to have to accept care from people outside the family. That may not be what she wants, but we all live in reality where we have to accept things that are not the way we want them. When she starts receiving this care she may find that it’s not as bad as she thought. My parents actively resisted any care from non-family until they were absolutely forced by circumstances to do it. I know it’s hard. Sending you all my best wishes.[/quote]

This is all very true.

When I was in the weeds of this stuff, and at the worst moments, I held on to the mantra "safety first". Nothing else mattered until safety was ensured. So staying in their house alone, or only having drop-in care, or planning to move in w/ one of us, etc... - all were easier to deal with in the context of mandatory safety.

By those measures OP, moving in with you is not the best option for your mom. You won't be able to keep eyes on her 24/7 as her memory fails, you won't be able to set up a home environment that will be physically safe for her as she declines, etc... The best thing you can do is keep her safe. And that will probably mean solutions that she dislikes, or that you feel badly about, but it really isn't as difficult a decision when safety comes first. I found it incredibly helpful - it put all the guilt/fear/grief to the side and gave me a tangible and critical issue to focus on. Knowing that I prioritized safety also gives me comfort now, with both of my parents gone. I kept them as safe as I could (and as safe as they would allow me to keep them - which is an important point) for as long as possible. That was the best I could do - truly.

These times are so hard, I'm very sorry.[/quote]

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