Reply to H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around

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Reply to "H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Yes, he says these things in front of our daughter, "because she deserves to know the truth". It is really painful to me and I don't know how to stop him. He just explodes even more when I tell him not to talk like that in front of her because he is poisoning her childhood.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about talking to kids regarding the value of unpaid work in the home. I think I'll start doing that, too.[/quote]

My experience is much milder. I have a generally kind spouse who gets carried away and says some jaw-dropping things sometimes but feels bad about it later, so I have it easier.

You can at least, calmly and without emotion or getting angry yourself, correct the record, tell him to stop yelling, that what he is saying is not ok. 
These are not eloquent, I'm sure you can find better examples, but in response to things like "she deserves to know the truth that you're horrible!" You might say, "that hurts my feelings. Please stop saying mean things to me. That is not ok." Or if he starts picking a fight in front of your daughter, you might say "I do not want to pick a fight. We can calmly discuss any issues later tonight, but not right now. If we can't have a calm meal, I need to take a break and leave." And then leave to a different room. Just do things to take the oxygen out of the fire. That shows your daughter that you don't pick fights but also stand up for yourself, teaches her the treatment is not ok, and gives you a measure of control in the situation that is otherwise ruled by his anger/ tantrum. If he threatens to divorce you in front of your daughter, you can say "that's a serious step that we should discuss separately. It's not a discussion for right now. Please stop." If he keeps going, consider inviting your daughter to leave the room to do chores/ go for a walk/ whatever.

If it turns remotely physical, you are in physical abuse land and know you need to get out.

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