Reply to H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around

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Reply to "H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He sounds like my DH, who doesn’t have a clue about a lot of things but is incredibly rigid and defiant when informed of something like the foil situation you described. In our case, we don’t love our house. Everything else is similar down to DH claiming I am “abusive.”

The reality is that DH’s family of origin has a lot of mental health and developmental disorders. He was diagnosed with ADHD and HFA as an adult, although he claims that the many specialists involved in this long diagnostic process are wrong. Anyway, DH perceives any feedback or communication short of silence or a compliment to be mean, angry, argumentative, critical, etc. His parents walked on eggshells around him and his sister as a coping mechanism to manage their issues amidst cultural resistance to diagnosis or support, but unfortunately that resulted in his perception now that anything short of adulation is “abuse”.

I would consider myself to be in a situation that involves emotional abuse, but I don’t have a good plan to get out of this that protects my DD. I’m working on documentation of both DH’s behavior and medical situation in the hopes that it would protect me in a custody soJustin. [/quote]

OP here. PP, big hugs to you. Your situation really does sound similar, down to his parents "walking on eggshells" around him. 
How old is your daughter? 
As you said yourself, the issue is that there is hardly a way to avoid communicating with him at least regarding the child, even after a divorce. In my own situation, I couldn't keep the house if we divorce, and all of us adore it.

[/quote]

Sending you support and validation, OP. It is a hard and lonely life. My DD is 8 and old enough to know that things are off-balance in our family, but not old enough to enough spend solo time with other families that she realizes that my DH is not normal or ok. I do worry about every single thing she’s internalized about me as a person and how women should be treated- I’m also careful to not explain everything to her because this is not her problem and she deserves to be a child and not feel responsible for my life. I wish I had living extended family to retreat to so my DD and I would have a safe and understanding place to land and start over.

The hard part about a relationship like this is the secrecy. The few times I’ve tried to reach out to friends or family for support I received a lot of blame or just total lack of understanding- DH appears normal and even warm to others because of the work I’ve done to prop him up and protect my DD. I hope you don’t continue to suffer alone and in silence, OP.[/quote]

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