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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Frustrated. We are close to completing an infidelity course/which included therapy sessions with an expert in this area. (3 month thing)

Affair is over, but it was an “I love you”, 8 month type thing.  I literally think about it and things he said to her about me, our marriage, etc constantly (I have texts).

While my marriage is in a positive trending place, and I’m hopeful about the future, I still bring things up, ask questions and it seems to really annoy my husband.  He knows he “should” answer but I worry that it’s causing problems for us even though my thoughts, questions, constant imagery is definitely causing problems for me.

Feeling very damned if I do, damned if I don’t dilemma [/quote].

If my husband cheated I would be very much like you and unable to let it go.  You have two choices, get over it, for the sake of repairing your marriage.  This is hard because it requires trust and you have none because he broke it.  It’s not healthy for YOU (I don’t care about him) to not let it go.  You also have the option to start fresh and forget the loser who cheated on you.  [/quote]

This is absolutely not true. You don't just get over it, ever. A betrayal of that magnitude fundamentally changes who you are as a person and your perception of people and the world around you. Someone who hasn't been through can't even begin to understand. The choices are either you and DH put in the work to understand why it happened, rebuild a new marriage foundation while the cheater simultaneously works on their personal shortcomings, and decide if you can live forever knowing this happened and is part of your story. Even if you leave, it stays with you. You will never have the carefree full trust in a partner again, ever. Not saying this to be a Debbie downer, but it's true. [/quote]

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