Reply to My brother’s divorce and custody issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Posting this here too from the relationship page because this might be the appropriate place.

My brother is separated and getting divorced. He lives in another country so I am not sure the same rules applies as it pertains to custody.

My brother and ex wife have agreed on shared custody of their daughter (my niece), [b]but she ends up spending more time with her mom since it does not make sense to change house every other day.[/b] For now my brother sees her one day a week (sometimes more if mom has work) and every other weekend. On top of that, he has two full weeks in the Summer as does the mom.

This week is my brother’s week with his daughter and we are together on vacation a couple of hours away from my brother’s house. Mom decided to show up and rented a hotel for 3 days (during my brother’s week). My niece is very attached to mom and while she was super happy playing with her cousins (my kids) and her dad, as soon as mom arrived only wanted to be with mom. The daughter ended up spending 2 days and 3 nights with mom. 
My brother is very upset as are my parents and feel the mom is wrong and should not have interfered in her daughter’s time with dad. At the same time, my brother says he can’t forbid the mom from seeing their daughter even during HIS time with her.

I am very sad for my brother and for his daughter because she was happy playing with my kids and as soon as mom arrived started whining and only wanted to be held. My brother feels the mom is ruining his relationship with his daughter and practically preventing her from spending time with her dad. 
The mom argues that her being there does not prevent my brother from spending time with his daughter, but it practice it does because she only wants to be with her mom (and being held 90% of the time).

How can I help my brother? What can he do? I feel what his ex does is bad, but I am not sure what can be done.

My niece is 4.5

Thanks![/quote]

No, that is not why.

My parents had 50/50 custody, alternating weeks.

I won’t speculate to the true reason for the unequal split but it does stand out that despite obvious alternative solutions to moving “every other day” he does not truly step up to take 50/50 time. [/quote]

OP here. I know very little about my brother’s agreement with his ex wife. What I do know is that they agreed to this schedule because the mom thinks that until their daughter turns 6 she needs the mom the most (and perhaps this is whAt is done in our country). For example my brother cannot take her to visit us in the US until after she turns 6. He cannot have 2 consecutive weeks until after she turns 6, etc. My brother had a room in his house all set up for his daughter. They have double of everything (I think), etc. He insists on paying for her private education, etc. 
I really believe he is not trying to do less, but accepts his ex wife’s wishes in order to avoid conflict. She has been difficult in the past (again, I don’t know much, but I know one time she took their daughter after a fight away because the neighbor saw her, threatened my brother to take their daughter away and even jump from the balcony… this is what other people heard because again my brother is very private).

Perhaps I am wrong and my brother is trying to do as little work as possible, but knowing my brother, that is not him (at all).

Anyway, every time their daughter sees the mom and leaves the mom, is a huge mess. I am sure she would have been much happier without seeing mom for a week instead of seeing her (and having to leave her) multiple times. [/quote]

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