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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks this has been helpful in framing my thinking. To answer a few questions asked: all of our family are near my parents, so no negative impact to the kids in that regard if we move; I don’t think I’ve consumed too much media so much as spent enough time in a red state to really feel the pain of these issues on a day to day basis; B my parents did drop everything and care for my grandparents and my aunt when they were dying though everyone lived in 15 minute radius; and I’m not necessarily ok with forcing my mom to stay on a farm she doesn’t want to stay on. But my mom has been planning to move for my whole life, and by her own admission, long before that. It’s a…sore subject? Long running joke? The biggest regret of her life that I am not interested in solving for her?

I suppose the ideal plan would be to move back for a while, then leave again if my father passed and my mom was in good health. There’s a lot of ifs there though.

Like many farming families, there has long been a plan to ensure the farm is not sold on someone’s death, and I do intend to return to it at some point.

These comments did cause me to ask myself how I would react if my children asked me to move somewhere to make caring for me easier in my old age. And I would undoubtedly object, preferring to live out my end of life on the farm and expecting them to be there to make that happen.

And so I suppose that’s the ultimate answer -if I expect someone to do it for me, I better do it for someone else.

[/quote]

It’s absolutely crazy (and extremely selfish) that you are expecting this from your kids in your old age. Your parents grew up in a very different generation in a rural area where I’m sure it was more the norm for children to drop everything to care for their parents (and a lot more feasible with extended families tending to live closer together and single family incomes being more the norm). In this day and age (and with plenty of time to prepare) there’s no excuse for going into your retirement with the expectation that your adult children will prioritize your elder care (to include relocating!) over their own families/jobs/ambitions.

Hopefully in time you’ll rethink your priorities but at minimum I hope you have a good backup plan!!![/quote]

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