Reply to Birds and bees talk from single mom to teenage son

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Birds and bees talk from single mom to teenage son"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I am the mom of a teen boy and I’ve done all the sex talk in our house - my DH just won’t.

You need to have the conversations despite how uncomfortable they make you and your son. It’s totally fine to be uncomfortable, to stammer, to blush, to not know what to say. Just accept it is going to be that way and do it anyway. You wouldn’t decide not to just skip homework, or band performance, or whatever because it made your son uncomfortable, would you? You can do this.

I’d actually focus on something different. The main concern for boys should be consent, because they can be so boneheaded. But if you frame consent as “she has to say yes before you can touch her”, intimacy becomes about negotiating the yes, and pushing limits. Instead, talk about how intimacy is about mutual pleasure. Both parties should enjoy every touch. If someone isn’t enjoying it, don’t do it. It may seem like a weird distinction, but I think most boys don’t really think about the fact that girls should enjoy themselves. They may not even know what the anatomy of pleasure for women includes! The tougher thing to talk about is the fact that porn is fake, and shows women enjoying things that men wish they would enjoy, but they don’t. It’s acting, and you need to compare it to an action movie. It’s fiction. He can pay really close attention to a girls body language to tell if she likes something, but he can also ask himself if he’d like it if someone did that to him. Would be find pleasure in having his hair pulled or in anal sex? If not, maybe assume it isn’t something a girl would like (in a committed relationship he can explore boundaries more - right now he needs to learn girls pleasure matters every bit as much as his, and if something doesn’t bring her pleasure it is a no-go).

This all is hard to talk about, but it is essential. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics