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[quote=Anonymous]I know this ship has sailed for your sister but I’m saying this for other women in similar situations who may be reading this. But it is *really* bad idea to have 3 kids with a spouse like that. Having a large family to fill an emotional void for one parent is being so thoughtless of those kids. This situation would be much easier to manage with one kid.

In any case, for your sister, I think continuing to be supportive, listen and asking open-ended questions is the way to go. If you tell her she should leave her DH, then she’ll switch to defending him and defending her decision so far to stay with him.

So examples of open-ended questions to use (and never use “why” questions - those provoke a defensive posture).

This situation continues to sound really difficult for you.

What can I do to help? Do you want to vent to me or do you need me to do something else?

I can’t help but notice that what you are telling me hasn’t changed much in the last few years. What happens if you continue to do nothing? What kind of path can you envision with him not changing and you staying with him? What would happiness for you and the kids look like if he doesn’t change?

I admire you so much for wanting to try to make your marriage work. What does “make it work” mean to you? [she answer something about him changing.]. What if he never changes? If he hasn’t made any changes yet, what gives you hope that he will make those changes now?

Etcx etc. I’m sure you can come up with more and better questions where you get *her* processing the real options.

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