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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "Lack of motivation and parental success"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote]...When we have kids, we always hope that they will do better than us, accomplish more, [b]be happy of course[/b]. However, I really hope that my son isn't giving up on accomplishing anything as there would be very little chance for him to "do better than his old man" in a way....[/quote] One of the many problems you and your DH have is that you are equating success to achievement. It's likely that your DS doesn't see you and your DH as 'happy' and that doing things the way you do it will not be fulfilling for him. It's likely he doesn't want his efforts to be compared to his father's efforts (please tell me your DS isn't named after his father). I'm glad that your DS recognizes that's not what he wants. You say nothing at all about what positive characteristics you and your DH model for you DS. Instead, you seem to be focused on achievement and, indirectly, external validation/praise/recognition. Certainly, your DS should have skills for a job that will support him but you've probably led him to believe his worth is based on what he does/achieved rather than who he is as a person. You should have been nurturing his interests, encouraging him to take risks/stretch himself and then celebrating his efforts (not his achievements) even when he failed. It's only a failure if you never try. I highly recommend you look into Carol Dweck's work on Mindset. https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000FCKPHG?ref=KC_GS_GB_US [/quote]
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