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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always thought I’d have a large family. I am a SAHM and somehow could not find the will. Parenting was so difficult for me. Handling DH’s new temperament post-child (tantrums and rigidity) was a challenge. I became anxious and depressed.

I blamed myself for not being a good enough wife and parent. I read all the books and wondered why they didn’t work — must be I wasn’t consistent or empathetic enough.

[b]Finally 10 years later DC has an ASD diagnosis.[/b] (DH is sure he’s on spectrum too.) my struggle now makes sense.

And yet![b] I cannot help but see other families, large ones, that gracefully parent a SN child and their siblings.[/b] I wonder why I could barely handle one. I regret not having a larger family. I could have. It was all in my control but I spiraled downwards. My DC has no friends and now has no chance for a sibling.

How do you deal with regret? Am
I the only one who had less children because of issues from ASD kid needing more intense parenting?[/quote]

My child was diagnosed with ASD late too, at 11, and I will never have another child. Parenting is hell when you don't have a diagnosis - in my case my child's providers couldn't see anything "different" with my child and so my parenting was blamed. For 11 years. Everything that I struggled with I can now look back and say, "wow, NT parenting really doesn't work with ND behaviors/children".

I firmly believe that the parents who "gracefully" their ND children know that their kids are ND and so are able to build their team and get parenting supports from a young age. That was not an option for me, because no one believed anything was wrong or different, and so it was all put on my shoulders for not being able to successfully use NT parenting strategies with a child who is ND.

The damage done by providers not listening is real. [/quote]

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