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[quote=Anonymous]Society isn't stopping men from parenting, but it's also not forcing them to parent fully.  I have a "good" one who does 50% in a real sense and it's still pretty crazy to watch how even though my household is very egalitarian, perfect strangers feel the need to throw him a ticker tape parade and tell me how good I have it when they see him doing . . . the same stuff that I do.  Never once has someone stopped him to say how lucky he is his kids have a good mom, but I've gotten that like, 4 separate times from perfect strangers?

So the idea that it's all society's fault is dumb.  Adult men can decide how they want to live.  But of course society influences all of us, so the fact that a mom who takes her kids to the playground and then checks her phone becomes a meme about "don't ignore your babies, Mama, you have so little time!" and a dad who takes his kids to the playground and checks his phone gets "oh, it's so nice to see a dad here!  What a great poppa you have!!", means that the pressures on parenting *more*, parenting *better*, getting it right -- those pressures just aren't there for dads.  They're parenting at all, and getting a high five like they live on Sesame Street.  Mom has to get it right or she's demonized, so I can see how it could lead to micromanaging or over-researching and then insisting on that method and having to coach Dad to do it her way.  And that could certainly be discouraging to a dad who just wants to do whatever his parents did to raise him, because he's doing okay.

You have to decide as both a man to push back against the "anything you do is enough" narrative to do fully half, and as a woman to push back against the "if you don't get everything right your kid will be a sociopath and everyone will know it's your fault" conditioning to be confident that you are handling your family in the way that works best for you.  I still get some ugly-natured comments from people who think my DH being a good dad must mean I've left a vacuum where a good mom should have been - he'd only step up by necessity, basically. 50% at home is great and it's also not the norm so people will look for reasons it is happening for you and not them.  Society exists, societal expectations and pressures exist, and you have to acknowledge them to navigate them.[/quote]

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