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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you keep your own life intact when your parents are across the country and the sh-t starts to hit the fan?

I need practical advice and maybe commiseration. It’s just my mom left and she’s refused for years to leave her house in a faraway part of the country for either something smaller, senior housing, or something near me. She’s apparently hidden health problems for years and now it’s all blown up. She has a huge house that’s in ok repair but too out of date to put on the market easily, and she needs to get out due to the health problems. I don’t think she can be completely on her own but she isn’t quite in assisted living territory Somehow I need to convince her to move here or move somewhere close to her, but she’s refused for years so it will be a fire drill. Her plan was apparently that I would permanently move back and help her.

Either way, I literally do not have time for this. For many years I asked her to put together a plan for relocation or downsizing and gave her clear times of year and time spans when I would be able to easily fly out to assist her. Now is NOT one of those time- my DH’s career has current priority in terms of his travel and on-call times, so I am primarily responsible for our child + my job. I refuse to sacrifice my kid’s school life and extracurriculars by uprooting her temporarily and am not in a position to hire a nanny for months on end so I can temporarily live out of state to deal with my mom’s mess. I have a sibling, but don’t expect any help from them.

I read about all of these families that put together a plan an executed it with mild disruption and argument. What do you do about your obligations to your nuclear family when your parents stick you with out-of-state messes?
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Quite a long post to complain about your mother. Instead of spending so much of your energy complaining, why not focus on actually doing something to help? You realize that someday you will be old too, right? And when that time comes you might not want to leave everything behind that you ever knew either?  Why did you make the decision to move so far away from your mother anyway?  Some of your problems seem self-inflicted.[/quote]

Pathetic, unhelpful, and idiotic[/quote]

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