Reply to What do you say when someone wants you to validate their behavior but they're wrong?

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[quote=Anonymous]A lot of these response sound tedious AF to me.

I do not think it's my job to "make my friend a better person" or help them improve on their behavior towards other people. They are an adult and I'm not their mommy. I can offer my opinion but the goal should not be to "help them improve."

OP, the only thing you need to weigh in on her is if your friend's behavior is upsetting to YOU. That's it, that's the relevant relationship. How Mary and her friend resolve their disagreement is their business. But if Mary did something that you personally find upsetting and it is impacting how you see Mary or has you wondering if Mary is the person you thought she was, then sure, say something. But don't couch it as "oh let me explain to you how your are incorrect in this situation so you can do better the next time," like you're a kindergarten teacher. Tell her "whoa, actually it bothers me that you did that, I would be really hurt if you did that to me." Make it about your relationship, because that's what is actually bothering you.

And if doing that sounds over the top because it turns out whatever Mary did is not actually offensive to you, it's just that you would have handled it differently, then say nothing because it turns out it doesn't matter that much and is really none of your business.

Most of the suggested "feedback" on this thread would annoy the crap out of me because it sounds condescending. Both the validating comments and the "let me help you make better choices" comments. Seriously, that's how you talk to a 4 year old. I would have patience for that from a peer.[/quote]

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