Reply to Maintaining relationship with sister who won’t help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for about 18 months.  She’s been in a memory care facility for about a year.

My sister has visited her twice and both times she got something out of it (my moms car, furniture & china from her home).

She won’t spend more than an hour with our mother and I know it’s because it’s hard on her to see her like this but I can feel the resentment building.

DH & I do 100% of the eldercare and dealt with all the hassle is selling a lot of her belongings and her home once she transitioned into memory care.

I’m exhausted and I know that my sister can’t help as much as I can because I am retired and she’s still working but I feel like I can’t count on her at all.

I flew out last month to see my daughter and my Mom was hospitalized with a UTI and my sister would not go deal with it.

[b]“We have plans this weekend”.[/b]

I can’t tell you how many times I changed plans, vacations etc.  I just asked one time and she couldn’t do it.

I know it is what it is and I doubt anything will change.  My mom will be fine soon and I’ll only have my sister.  I want to maintain our relationship but all this has really made me see a side of her that’s disappointing.

Has anyone ever been through a similar situation?  How do you swallow those feelings to keep the relationship?  We are very close but this has really taken a toll. [/quote]

So it was OK for you to have plans that weekend but not your sister?

Listen, people have varying levels of capacity for this stuff, regardless of how you want them to behave. Play to your sister's strengths and don't expect more.[/quote]

Sounds like she has no strengths. [/quote]

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