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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could really use some advice about my kid who seems to be a talented swimmer but has hit some difficulties lately. He was a very successful 10u and I think the attention and perceived expectations put a ton of pressure on him mentally, more than I understood at the time (we as his parents have never pressured or praised excessively but it was all over from coaches, peers, etc). He finished his 10u time with AAAA times in nearly every event, which as you know if you are a swim parent turn into mostly A times for the boys when they turn 11. He aged up a few months ago and seems to have lost so much confidence and beyond that, has made small time improvements but no big leaps. He is still a great swimmer - all A/AA times as a young 11 year old, making all state champ cuts, etc. but of course he cannot compete with the top level boys who are older and many of whom have grown/gone through puberty. He has not grown much at all in the past six months and I feel like physically he is just doing all his body can do until he gets a little more size and strength. He practices with the top group for his age and feels like he is making big strides at practice on the fastest intervals, but that doesn't seem to be reflected in his times at meets. I've always been told this age group is tough because kids grow and develop at such different times and rates, so the results can be confusing and frustrating when kids are working hard. I don't have any need for him to be a superstar, but I hate seeing him feeling obviously down and discouraged, and frustrated by feeling like his hard work is not paying off. I just want to see him happy about swimming again, excited and confident rather than nervous and doubtful. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, other than telling me he still loves swimming (we have always assured him we would support him stopping/cutting back or focusing on another sport if he wants and he never needs to feel like he HAS to swim). If you have BTDT as a swimmer or parent of a swimmer, I would love your advice on helping him push through this and retain his passion for something he deeply enjoys. [/quote]

It’s going to be very hard for your son to take the long view, so you really have to model it for him. The key is that your son has to believe that hard work and persistence is worthwhile even if he is not winning/has AAAA times. I have a just turned 11 year old who went to zones as a young 10 year old and is bumping against the reality that he won’t be going to zones this summer.

But he went through an atypical plateau as a 9/10 year old where he didn’t drop from his 9 year times for almost a year. He was down for a while, but he worked hard and got there after deciding to focus on practice. That year taught him not to get too discouraged and concentrate less on his times and more on things that he can improve, like his start, turns, catch, etc.

It’s a bit of the world’s smallest violin, but it’s actually hard for young kids who win all the time because they don’t tend to have as much of a growth mindset about swimming, so when they plateau, it throws them off. It was actually a positive thing for my kid to go through his slump - now he can shrug off bad races and see the positive even when he gains time. He saw for himself that effort and focus at practice eventually pays off.

Remind your son that Caleab dressel got 29th place in 100 free and squeaked into the last seed in the B final for 100 fly this week, but no one has a doubt that he will work his way back. I saw an interview with dressel a few years ago, where he talked about middling meet results, and he said that he was really happy with how he was doing and that even if he added time, he was improving on parts of his swim and it would all come together at the end. My kid really took that advice to heart and knows that sometimes things get slower while they are getting better. Like how your golf swing gets wonky when you are improving it. Good luck, this is the gritty time when lots of kids quit, but the kids who swim because they like practicing, their teammates, and constantly trying to improve, are the ones who stay. It will be hard, but he will get through it![/quote]

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice - this was very helpful! (OP here.) I agree that it is sometimes hard for the kids who experience success fairly easily early on, not only because of the lack of growth mindset but also because of the pressure that they feel (at least in my son's case) that they are somehow letting people down when they are not performing. This is something he has to work on and that is the mental hurdle piece that is so difficult at this age.

I knew I would get a lot of responses like the most recent ones and that someone would bring up that "10 and under wonder" piece that DCUM loves so much and that is so often misinterpreted.  :lol: FWIW, I don't think he is just "done"/ peaked at 10, and he was not one of those big strong kids powering through on strength alone, nor one of those tiny compact kids another poster mentioned. He is tall-ish and thin, and not close to puberty. That's what it comes down to, honestly. His skills are very solid and it's easy to see that he has a gift when you watch him move through the water, but yeah, that's not going to compare with a 6 ft tall muscled 12 year old who has an adult body.

He still loves the sport, which is what matters most to us, and he works hard at practice and receives positive feedback from coaches. We will just keep having conversations and encouraging him as he navigates this challenging phase. The August break will be a welcome time to decompress this year. Thanks for all the responses. [/quote]

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