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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First make sure she knows how you feel.  Did you say, this is the only time I've asked you, Ive change a zillion plans to deal with mom and I need a break, and I am with my daughter?  Or did you say no problem (which is how my husband would deal with it).  If she knows what she is doing to you and is still doing it then I think you don't have to have a relationship with her. [/quote]

I would not give a guilt trip. The sister has made it clear she is not available. I suspect if OP tries to spell out what the sister already knows there will be "maintaining relationship." The sister has made her choices and OP has made hers. OP needs to focus on herself and not what others are doing. I have been there and you don't want resentment to eat you alive. You have to figure out what you can handle and understand you cannot delegate to the sister. She is allowed to have any boundaries she wants and so is OP.

If there is money there, you have plenty of options. If there isn't then look into what options you have with volunteers-through religious organizations, etc.

No good comes from trying to make the sister do what she doesn't want to do. Also, I really gave my best for so many years and the reward was my parent RESENTED me and I burned out. I can tell you when I finally became quite ill and had to back away everything didn't fall apart. It was fine to have hired professionals there at the hospital checking on things. In fact, the person knew better than I did how to make things happen and I could just facetime in. I can't believe I spent so many years burning the candle at both ends. [/quote]

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