Reply to SIL asked us to take her kids overnight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t get along with my Sil and bil but like their kids so I would do it. Plus your kid might resent not knowing his cousins. Have sh handle most of the care so you can study[/quote]

OP here: how much of this relationship building is my responsibility? SIL did not respond to my texts in the past.

The way I see it, it's my husband's responsibility to build his relationship with his sister and playdates. My DH is a little resentful too. We received zero help from any of them in the early days.

A previous PP called it payback. I guess my frustration is that SIL can't really expect free childcare to be extended from us when she provided zero response or interest when my husband was out of town and I had to go to the ER with mastitis and needed someone to watch my 1 y/o at the time. She can figure it out like we had to.

The relationship between cousins is different and not contingent on one sleepover. SIL hasn't really expressed any interest in developing any kind of a sisterly relationship with me, and I can see why. She has a strong relationship with her family, siblings, and friends. I have a much stronger relationship with my own sister (who albeit, lives 8 hours away), but I do make an effort to see my sister at least one a month and have stayed at her house overnight to help with her kids. I'm happy to start developing better relationships between our kids, but I don't want to just become free childcare to them.[/quote]

You said "they have asked us" to watch the kids, not that she asked you.  So sure, it is your husband's responsibility to nurture this relationship, but unless he doesn't live in the house with you I'm missing how he's shirking it and pushing it on you.  And this weird "they're going to take advantage of us for free childcare in perpetuity if we do it once" doesn't make much sense given they've had kids for 7 years and you've never watched them, ever, in your own telling.

This is a one off request from one sibling to another.  It's not a huge ask.  It's not extremely complicated, or risky, or improper because she doesn't text you.  You can say no, but for goodness sake: just do that.  Each time you try to explain why she's actually a terrible jerk who asks too much it makes less sense.[/quote]

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