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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I realize this thread is likely going to deteriorate rapidly, im hoping to get a few examples from those living it and hoping those that answer don’t bother coming back to read what will likely spiral into “why did you even have kids” comments

My therapist observed I’ve really narrowly boxed myself into what makes a “good” parent and what makes a “good” professional life basically leaving no viable option to feel good about how I’m doing about both.  Logically I agree, but I’m trying to turn that practically into ways I can loosen my rigid parenting definitely

So if you and your spouse both have fairly inflexible jobs, are you comfortable with:
- someone else (nanny / grandparent) - taking your kid to routine doctor and dental appts
- your kid not always having someone at every school performance
- you kid having someone else help them get ready for school or eat dinner with them on a routine basis (not everyday night but not like once a month either)

What are things you feel must be done by a parent (if anything in particular) versus a more flexible generally being there for them and spending enough time with them without rigid rules around what’s ok [/quote]

I never really analyzed it like you have, but I actually think I wouldn’t really be comfortable with any of the things you mentioned, so I did flex my job - first “part-time” in Big Law and then in house.

I realize that’s not what you were asking, but I also really struggled with mommy tracking, because I would occasionally think about how great I would be at my job if I didn’t have kids or had a SAH spouse.    But then I realized it wasn’t because I thought I had to go performances or and tuck them in to be a good mom that I did that, but because I wanted to.

But I was also perfectly fine with my children being in daycare ~40s a week, and missing bedtime once a week, and not making every performance or field trip.

Basically - figure out if you feel like you SHOULD (in which case get the help!) or if you WANT TO (in which case make work more flexible). [/quote]

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