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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To explain a bit more - DHs job is inflexible (or at least he treats it that way and that’s not something I can change short term bc his standard is that all of this could be done by a nanny. His view is our most important thing is securing their financial future which is frustrating but he grew up in an unstable war zone where his family lost everything so there’s a lot going on there ).

So that means I need to cover all the things I put these rules on and I start doing the math and think ok at a minimum 10 doctor / dentist appts a year, and 6 school performances for my one kid in school, and being home by x time every night and never traveling so that the kids always wakes up to a parent (dh travels a lot) etc etc etc and basically box myself out of any interesting job because I’m telling myself I must do alllllll the things on the family front.

So for those that don’t feel that rigid rule, im curious what they prioritize.  And for those that say all of this must be a parent, cool I’m that person currently too[/quote]

Your husband needs therapy for his unstable war zone background issues. I raised a child on food stamps. She went without often, and deeply. She is 20 now and does not resent me at all for not having enough money to buy her a trip to Hawaii, to Europe, to Mexico, a car, etc. Does she wish she could go those places? Sure. But I was always there - I went to everything, I made special breakfasts on mornings when she had big tests, I showed up. Showing up counts for a lot. [/quote]

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