Reply to 12 yo says mom gets “physical” with her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kids can claim abuse just because it gets everyone’s ears perked up but unless you know there is actual physical abuse, I’d be careful as it looks like you’re trying alienate child from mom—especially in light of your petition for more time. [/quote]

This is EXACTLY my concern and why I asked here about whether she might be making it up. And why I haven’t leapt to claiming abuse. OTOH if kid is genuinely unsafe I can’t ignore this. [/quote]

Listen, OP. You are activated because this is scary, but it is better than you think.

1) She disclosed this in therapy and it WILL be discussed. The therapist will work with your daughter to assess what is actually going on. If your daughter is being abused by her mother, the therapist will have to report the abuse. If that happens, it is likely in your collective best interest to make that report together - your daughter and the therapist, with you assisting as appropriate. Cooperating with the investigation means recognizing that it is not the job of the investigation to determine custody - just safety and best interest of the child.

2) People will be concerned that parental alienation is happening - you can't do much about that unfortunately. That is a matter for a custody evaluation, which it sounds like you are already working on. The best thing that you can do to to debunk concerns about you alienating your daughter from her mom is to NOT do that. Give your daughter the opportunity to speak for herself about what she's experienced, whatever that is. Advocate for her best interest. It is in her best interest to disclose maltreatment by her mom to someone who can do something about it. It is in YOUR best interest for that person to be someone other than you, particularly if you are concerned that her mom will "go ballistic" when she hears about the report of abuse.

3) Do you have a therapist of your own? It sounds like it is possible that this situation could get really stressful. It's great that your daughter has support. You also deserve that support and I hope you have it.

--a therapist who works with teenagers and families[/quote]

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