Reply to Husband Not Spending Birthday with wife and kids, but brother

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Reply to "Husband Not Spending Birthday with wife and kids, but brother"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][
The kids are young -- 2 kids under 5.  I suppose my expectation of him wanting to spend time with us on his birthday was unrealistic and I should become more accepting.  I take care of our kids by myself after work and on weekends, but thought he would want to spend his birthday with us if he did not have to work.  That is what I would have done if it were me -- perhaps that is the problem.  I was fine with the football game or I sucked it up, but then he asked whether he could stay for dinner and I lost it with him.[/quote]

The expectation should be that "all other things being equal, he should want to spend the time with his wife and kids."  However, all other things are not equal here.  On the day of the birthday was a specific event that he wanted to attend.  An event that would not be available the next day.  Hence he went to the event that could not be rescheduled and celebrated with you and the kids the next day.  Likewise, if there was something that you had planned that happened on specifically the day of his birthday but his plans with his brother were negotiable, he should spend the day with you and the next day with his brother.

What is unreasonable is expecting him to skip plans with his brother to spend the day with you when the plans with his brother could not be moved, but the plans with you could be.  Flexibility is important in this situation.  He will celebrate his birthday with everyone.[/quote]

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