Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I don't think I am explaining myself well.

The point of my post is that despite turning out "okay" I wish I had a deeper/warmer emotional connection with my mother. She was super strict/religious and overreacted about everything when I was growing up so I quickly felt from a very young age that I couldn't really share anything with her and my ticket out was to do well in school. And it's still true - whenever I am with her she immediately reverts back to treating me like a teenager and still takes my younger sister's side in every conflict so my instinct is to just both of them at arms length.

This is all coming to a head now since they are crashing my vacation next week. Again not a real question, just complaining.

[/quote]

This is also a reflection of the kind of person you are -- you withdrew. Maybe if you wish you had a deeper/warmer emotional connection to your mother, you can accept her for who she is, and accept that she is your mother, and you NEED her, flaws and all. Don't withdraw from the relationship when she bothers you -- just accept that your mother bugs you but you still love and need her. You can't say, I'll only love and need a perfect mother. We love and need the mother we have. There is no one else who can take her place. You will always have that void inside of you without her. Why can't you admit that? Because your ego says you deserve better than the mother you have for some crazy reason.

You get what you get in life. It's her or no one. She doesn't sound as bad as all that, OP. Are her flaws really worth you not having an emotional relationship with your mother at all? Seems extreme, and clearly your loss.[/quote]

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