Reply to How to deal with GF that shuts down?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My gf has a tendency of shutting down on small disagreements(not even arguments). This happens when we are on phone or FT and she quickly hangs up abruptly and [b]shuts down[/b]. She had a [b]difficult marriage and as she gave told me this was her coping mechanism[/b] in the past. This makes me feel hurt and I feel dismissed and a little disrespected. [b]I have told her that and she comes back and say sorry[/b] but I am not sure how to deal with this or constructively improve on the situation. We are both in our mid 40s. [/quote]

I am confused by what you want here.

I am seeing an adult who was in an difficult/controlling 20+ marriage (from your own admission in subsequent posts).  She has been honest with you that this is a maladaptive coping mechanism that she is aware of.  You also state that, after you have expressed how this affects you, she has made an effort to come back and say sorry ... so she heard you, and is putting in effort to value your feelings.

soooo i am seeing a person who is really self aware and trying, matching up with a person (OP) who isn't extending grace and sympathy toward their partner.  She isn't making you feel any way.  You are unhappy that she isn't reacting the EXACT way you want ... which also sounds like a pretty controlling relationship.

So my advice is for your GF to run from YOU, unless you can extend her some empathy.
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