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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think in order to stay married you have to assume your spouse has decent/good intentions.  Everyone’s spouse says things they find annoying, vulgar, rude, or even “abusive” sometimes.  You have to assume that they don’t know how stupid or awful they are being and that they want to be better.[/quote]

This is why OP needs to have a planned, focused, direct talk with him. Agree that if other aspects of his personality and their communication are not like this, then an instant leap to "Divorce him" (that good old DCUM knee-jerk staple!) is dumb. We don't know yet if OP has sat down and told him why she has issues with this, or if she has only reacted in each moment. He needs what some call a "come to Jesus" talk about this, not solely comments she says in the moment he makes these stupid, offensive things. Clearly, he dismisses anything she says when she objects then and there to his remarks, so he needs a face-to-face sit-down where she shows him the [i]totality[/i] of these comments, over and over, year after year, and how they are making her feel belittled. She does say the examples she gives are just two, so one assumes this happens much more often than just these two times.

If he does "want to be better" he needs to listen when she tells him this. In her shoes, if he does this a lot, I would have this talk after I've already registered us for something like a couples communication workshop or couples counseling. [/quote]

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