Reply to So those are the girls you're talking about...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have friends who have been those kids you feel sorry for. Kids are very resourceful. They use the "new" wife and she feels accepted. She buys them all sorts of crap and then they are gone in about 5 years (give or take 2 years).

The kids only miss their step siblings - the nice ones.

They love their moms for their courage. They understand their dad is kind of a jerk but get that everybody is human. [/quote]

Really hate seeing comments like this. I'm a stepmother, and I have stepparents. I really took those people in as my new family members, not pawns. I sent my stepmother Mother's Day cards and got my stepfather Father's Day gifts. I haven't tried to step into the role of being my stepchild's mom, and I leave the parenting decisions up to his parents, and I think we have a good relationship. Not everyone hates their stepkids, and not all stepkids hate their stepparents. I've always been grateful to my stepparents because they made my parents happy, which I could see they were not when they were married to each other. I hope one day my stepchild, when he's old enough to understand relationships, thinks the same thing- his parents are happier apart, and I was not a bad addition to his life, just another person there to love him and help him succeed. [/quote]

I also doubt you call your step kids brats and mock their mom for her figure. [/quote]

I don't discuss my stepchild's mother with him. However I feel about her personally, as a person and an adult, has nothing to do with him. Do I sometimes vent about her to my mom or my friends? Definitely. It doesn't intrude on my relationship with my stepchild.  It's likely these women were using an anonymous message board to vent their adult feelings about the ex-wives as they DON'T do that in real life to their husband or stepchildren. It's a complex "relationship", between ex-wives and new wives. All do something to infuriate or aggravate the other party at some time. Have I made fun of her to my friends in moments of frustration with her? ABSOLUTELY. I feel 100% positive she has done the same with her friends about me. It's only natural. It's a coping mechanism; we're going to be in each other's lives in a very odd capacity forever, and we have to deal with it. How I feel about her has nothing to do with how I feel about my stepchild OR how I treat him. If a stepmother doesn't care for the ex-wife (and vice versa) it doesn't have to impact their ability to be good parents. I don't speak ill of her to my stepchild, and she doesn't speak ill of me to him either. But it doesn't mean we both haven't thought and felt some ugly things toward one another. [/quote]

Not to lecture you but I really suggest you stop this behavior. Kids are very intuitive. Somebody made this suggestion to me - stop complaining about my MIL. Find 5 things that I respect about her and only talk about those things when discussing her.

Wow your MIL can be a real %$&*.

Me of the past: Yea - want to hear some stories.
Me Now: Hea but she is a great cook and the kids love to cook with her.

Makes a big difference in my mindset and I also think people see how I treat somebody that is not my best ally and respect me for it.

Just because it is natural does not make it right.[/quote]

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