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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH and I make a ton of money. It’s new to us but we’re on track to clear $900k this year with all of my RSUs and it could be closer to a million. For context, this amount is with a new job of mine but previously we’ve been clearing 400-500k for five years or so.

I have no idea where to put this in my head but he gets super nervous about spending now. He makes these broad announcements that “we’re not spending money this week.” Or he just walked into the living room and announced to me that next week on vacation I have to “be reasonable.”

For that one, I looked down at my target sundress laying on my decade old kid stained couch and I was like “please explain one instance where I wasn’t ‘reasonable’.” He of course can’t and just is like “you know what I mean!!” Which to be honest I DONT bc the minute I try to ask him what reasonable means to him he gets all flustered.

[b]Not only is it annoying but it really gets me going when I’m the one clearing $750k[/b], please look me in the eye and tell me not to go clothes shopping on vacation. I feel it would be pretty rude to point this out to him but I’m right on the edge. There is no history of either of us being spenders or flashy at all. Our biggest splurge is a house in Chevy Chase. Outside of that it’s seven year old cars and target runs.

Has anyone experienced a spouse getting more controlling about money the more you have? [/quote]

Wait, so you make $750K and he makes $150K, and HE is controlling to YOU about money?[/quote]

keep in mind that she's not clearing $750k in cash, though. some percentage of her comp is in the form of, lets just call them risk-tokens, that have an ever-changing value but whose tax withholdings must be paid, in cash, on vest, and for which a larger tax bill may be due when actually converted to dollars (aka sold). her spouse may not have input or insight into trading windows, blackout restrictions, whether she's elected to sell on grant or whether she's pulled cash from their joint checking account to pay the tax witholding because she's decided to play roulette and believes the stock price will only go up.

they are in this interstitial place where one talks about risk tokens in terms of their present value when translated into dollars, but it's all make-believe for as long as they are not actually dollars.

because it turns out that taxes and mortgage and credit card bills and tuition can't be paid in last fridays value of whatever stock this is. just cash.

anyway, if they aren't talking about this in detail and have everything mapped out with the tax consequences, spouse may have some good reason to be freaking out. in short, they need to talk more, and they need to have a better understanding of each others risk tolerances, expenses, and just how they relate to money, gambling, and stock holding. [/quote]

This is OP and this is thematically correct. I vest about $150k quarterly in our stock (yes I’m in fintech) which we sell immediately and put into a boring bogglehead style portfolio. So he feels very blind to that and thinks our stock portfolio “doesn’t count”. I think he thinks that bc he can’t remember the passcode so can’t go look at our money.

I also suspect he’s feeling emasculated. We have such a solid partnership. It feels super disappointing. And also please don’t tell me a trip to Sezane for a new summer dress is something that needs to be discussed here. [/quote]

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