Reply to Husband of 10 years says he doesn’t want kids or a suburban life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Likely when you were dating, the kids and suburban life was some ideal mirage that seemed okay.

He’s older now, and has friends who have had kids and he knows the stories from the trenches: lack of sleep, whiney kids and teens, expensive daycare and activities, and the biggie: decline in sex because DW is wiped out caring for kids.

You waited to long, he knows what I really means to “have a baby” — it’s a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice.

He probably expects you to leave and he can date a younger model and repeat the cycle. [/quote]

Op here. I am thinking this too. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and has a short discomfort tolerance and he is more curmudgeonly as he gets older.

I thought he would become more mature but it’s the opposite case here. [/quote]

New poster. OP, my friend and her then-DH did both want a child and the guy was a genuinely loving, close dad for the first few years. But the red flag was when, as their son hit toddlerhood, the DH said he didn't want the "suburban life" and that he felt "burdened" by house, yard (tiny townhouse so a mere postage stamp yard!!), didn't want to "live the white picket fence life my parents lived," blah blah. I think he just wanted to do as he pleased--he wanted to have jobs where he could work certain shifts to have time for his hobbies, rather than dealing with day to day finances, home, child responsibilities. To this day, many years later, he thinks he was and is the greatest dad, he just needed to be a free spirit.... So you can even have a man who does love his child, and wants his child around (on dad's terms of course) but the stuff about "I don't want a suburban life" is a huge red flag too. I means "I don't want to live with a wife and child in a shared home and be responsible for things and people and schedules--beyond my own."

In your case, OP, the combination with the very grudging "I'll have kids if you want," this is all a marriage-killer. At least my friend's DH genuinely loved their kid emotionally. But your DH sounds like that aspect is not even present. Please don't get "oops!" pregnant with your DH but stop having sex now and get out. Better to be single and have a child on your own, probably.[/quote]

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