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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a DW and I've checked out of the marriage after 25+ years.  I recognized that despite my repeated, articulate pleadings for my husband to pick up more of the load and relieve me of the burdens I'm carrying, he will not.  He's not a bad guy but is unable/unwilling to put forth a sustained effort to be a partner. Sure, he has ADHD/depression but while that may explain some of the challenges, it doesn't obviate the fact that I am worn out, exhausted, have no reserve, am no longer resilient, can no longer sustain the load.

I've recognized that I cannot expect any changes from him so I'm focusing on what I can control, myself.  I have communicated clearly to him that I'm intending to separate/divorce but I have no doubt he has, again, ignored what I saw and is, instead, only seeing that I have checked out of the marriage.  I am making plans independent of him and re-establishing networks.  I'd go to counseling if he suggested it but while it was really beneficial in the past, the problems we have have been present in our relationship since the beginning.  I recognize that even if things change, it will be temporary and that if I want my life to be different I cannot expect it to be so in my current relationship.  I'd go to counseling if he suggested it but don't expect to change my mind this time. I'm sure he'll be shocked.[/quote]

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